What About Men’s Rights?
This is interesting; a guy by the name of Matt Dubay is suing to avoid having to pay child support in a suit that the National Center for Men calls “Roe v. Wade for Men.”
According to the story:
The suit addresses the issue of male reproductive rights, contending that lack of such rights violates the U.S. Constitution’s equal protection clause.
The gist of the argument: If a pregnant woman can choose among abortion, adoption or raising a child, a man involved in an unintended pregnancy should have the choice of declining the financial responsibilities of fatherhood.
…
“There’s such a spectrum of choice that women have — it’s her body, her pregnancy and she has the ultimate right to make decisions,” said Mel Feit, director of the men’s center. “I’m trying to find a way for a man also to have some say over decisions that affect his life profoundly.”
…
Dubay says he has been ordered to pay $500 a month in child support for a girl born last year to his ex-girlfriend. He contends that the woman knew he didn’t want to have a child with her and assured him repeatedly that — because of a physical condition — she could not get pregnant.
…
Feit doesn’t advocate an unlimited fatherhood opt-out; he proposes a brief period in which a man, after learning of an unintended pregnancy, could decline parental responsibilities if the relationship was one in which neither partner had desired a child.“If the woman changes her mind and wants the child, she should be responsible,” Feit said. “If she can’t take care of the child, adoption is a good alternative.”
It’s an interesting case. Of course, if the couple were married, this would be much less of a problem. And, of course, abortion is almost always the wrong answer. (I say almost because I think you can justify abortion in cases where the life of the mother is at stake. It’s sort of a self-defense measure.)
But as I understand the law–IANAL*–the mother seems to be the only one who has the right to give the baby up for adoption, and the father has no say in it. That seems inequitable.
If there is going to be similar responsibility–that of caring for the child–then there should be a corresponding similarity in control. If the mother wants to give up the baby, she can; if the father wants to give up the baby, he should be able to as well.
* IANAL means “I am not a lawyer”
March 9th, 2006 at 9:36 am
The better response would be for both the man and the woman to take responsibility for the child they produced.
March 9th, 2006 at 10:25 am
Well, yes, of course. That’s the ideal.
But what happens when the man wants to, for whatever reason, give the child up for adoption and the woman does not? Shouldn’t the man get some say in the matter?
March 9th, 2006 at 4:53 pm
In the situation you’re suggesting, the man does get a say; however, the woman vetoes it.
March 9th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
Absolutely we need to show support for this man! I was lured into a marriage with a woman who was
marrried to another man! Although I was duped into getting this woman pregnant NY has ruled that I must
pay child support even though I never intened to have a child with a married woman!!!
If bigamy, and duped pregnancy are allowed to be ruled against men what rights do we have???
March 9th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
I was duped into marrying a woman who was already married to another man. I unknowingly fathered
a child in a bigamist triangle. Her husband is a 28 count felon, she was arrested in two countries as
a criminal. I thought I was having sex with my new wife, but no it was with a married woman. I am
kept from my son with restraining orders against me for crimes I have not committed.
Yet I pay child support God Bless NY State!
March 9th, 2006 at 11:36 pm
The man, boy, Dubay says he has no choice in the matter. Some of the comments will say they did not have a choice in the pregnancy either. HEY BUDDY THIS IS YOUR WAKE UP CALL. You had a choice and you chose to have sex. If you did not have sex you would not be in this position. I have no compassion for the people who can not control their own actions. My 2 year old does the same things. BE A MAN and step up and take responsibility for your actions. Grow up control yourself and your actions. THE ONLY PERSON TO BLAME IS YOU. I will let you know, HAVING SEX MAY LEAD TO PREGNANCY.
March 9th, 2006 at 11:56 pm
Cory, in most cases I would agree with you. But what about in cases of deception, like Dubay and the commenter Fred above? In Dubay’s case, he was assured repeatedly that the woman could not become pregnant due to a medical condition.
He was lied to. Why should he have to pay for the sins of others?
Also, should I assume that you are opposed to adoption programs?
March 10th, 2006 at 8:27 am
The fact that he was lied to doesn’t negate his sin of fornication. He thought he could sin and get away with it. The fact that he was sinned against, which led him to think he could commit his sin without consequence, doesn’t erase his responsibility. And he may not have been lied to — his girlfriend may have thought she could not get pregnant. I’ve known couples who had trouble conceiving, got tested, were told they could never have kids, then a few years later, voila, they get pregnant not once but a few times.
Several years ago a family member was pregnant out of wedlock and planning to place the child for adoption, and I really wrestled with whether she was abdicating her responsibility by doing so. She didn’t ask my advice, but I just wrestled with the concept in my own heart.
Where I do think father’s rights are violated is when the woman can have an abortion or raise a child without the father ever knowing he did father a child. I think with adoption you do have to get the father’s consent.
I suppose the woman gets the say, in the courts, because she is the one who would bear the child and likely raise it. But I think the attitude of both should be not, how can I get out of this responsibility, but the attitude of taking responsibility.
March 13th, 2006 at 7:35 am
I believe that if a woman has a choice of getting rid of an unwanted child then why the father can’t have the same choice. I truly believe that the courts are for the woman only and could care less what the man wants or feel Lets face the facts here. The will give women what ever they wish because they are afraid if they don’t then it is DISCRIMINATION. That card has been played way too much by women and I think the days of Bra burning and refusing to stay at home and take care of the kids is over. Hey, if the women have the right to vote, work, choose what happens with her body, then give her this one also, make her a single parent if the man don’t want the child. She has the means to work now, you can choose if she wants the child, then if she wants it let her have it and don’t PUNISH the man for not wanting it. And for god sake don’t force the man to be a father if he don’t want to be. We wouldn’t force the women to be a mother if she didn’t want to be. Now would we?
Jeff M. -Bay City, Michigan