Blog Jones

Bryan over at Spare Change has a great post today about collectible Jesus figurines. It’s hilarious. An excerpt:

what’s the matter Billy, can’t reach it? Jump higher, jump! Jump!

Go read the whole thing.

I’ve got to go to work in a few minutes; here’s something I found amusing, from Frank J. at IMAO:

Violence is truly a universal language. Do you really think we are able to reason verbally with people in Iraq who don’t understand why their nation is poor when their leader uses all their money to build himself eighty palaces? But everyone… check that …everything understand the message behind saturation bombing. Violence truly allows every living thing to communicate between each other.

Can we expect there to be understanding between species when everything has its own form of communication: our thousands of languages, the dogs barks and stances, the bees complicated dance, the dolphins whistles and clicks (the dolphin’s language, incidentally, contains three hundred variations of the expression, “Duh…”, but has no word for, “Look out for that tuna net!”), etc. [Heck] no. That’s where violence comes in. Think of it less as aggression and more as an effective form of communication.

When the wolf viciously bites at an intruder on its territory, it’s simply saying, “Excuse me, sir, but this is my property, and I would like some privacy.” When the intruder savagely claws back as it tries to escape, it’s communicating, “I see. Sorry. I guess I’ll be leaving.” When you get too near a bee and it stings you, that’s but its way of saying, “Noli tangere!” When you crush the bee out of spite, that’s just your reflexive way of declaring, “Don’t do that. It upsets me.” Why spend millions trying to understand what dolphins are trying to say when a few boots to their heads will communicate all we ever need to tell them? There’s no reason. It’s just people’s ignorance that prevents us; that’s all.

Personally, I’ve just always called it soda. Coke is a brand name; pop is just silly sounding. But, since not everyone thinks as I do, here’s a county by county breakdown of the entire United States and their preferences on the matter.

Someone out there has way too much time on their hands.

(via Marginal Revolution)

is Garfield funnier in Russian than in English?

(If you’re using the “Wordpress Default” theme, then right-click on the picture and click “view image” to see it uncompressed. Or switch to my Starry Night theme for a minute.)

Well, after you buy your “His Essence” candle so your room can smell like Jesus, you can sit down and snack on a Chocolate Cross.

Here’s what I find interesting about this story:

A spokesman for the Roman Catholic diocese of Bridgeport, Connecticut, finds the new product insulting. He says, “The cross should be venerated, not eaten.”

Um… Doesn’t the doctrine of transubstantiation mean that you (believe you) routinely eat the body of Christ? So, are you saying that Christ should be eaten, and not venerated? (See also Matt 23:16-22)

(Via Mounty’s Corner)

Peter Chianca has a great column up about the Easter Bunny:

The Easter Bunny has got to go. Yes, I know what you’re wondering: Whyshouldn’t the holiest day on the Christian calendar be represented by a 7-foot-tall pink rabbit, who may or may not be wearing a vest? Well, for the same reason that people shouldn’t ever marry Charlie Sheen - because it makes no sense.

It’s a great article; read the whole thing.

For the love of all that’s sacred, why?

Coming in 2005 to a theatre near you….

Well, I’m off to put out my eyes now. Good night.

(Thanks to CinemaBlend for the poster.)

“There’s absolutely no question that it’s unethical for parents to bring up their children as strict vegans”

-Professor Lindsay Allen, US Agricultural Research Service

Via a new site I found called Gongol.com

I’ve been talking about such heavy issues lately… maybe it’s time for a break. How about a light lunch? Maybe a healthy… HAMDOG!?

DECATUR, Ga. (AP) - When Becky Cleaveland is out with her girlfriends, they all pick at salads except for the petite Atlanta woman. She tackles “The Hamdog.”

The dish, a specialty of Mulligan’s, a suburban bar, is a hot dog wrapped by a beef patty that’s deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions and served on a hoagie bun. Oh yeah, it’s also topped with a fried egg and two fistfuls of fries.

“The owner says I’m the only girl who can eat a whole one without flinching,” Cleaveland said proudly.

Blog Jones, bringing you the best of gluttony since 2003.

It’s baack.

Here’s your first look at the “new” Ingalls - the family at the heart “Little House on the Prairie.”

ABC is bringing the famous 1970s series back in a special, short-form series that begins next month.

Seriously, ABC: Think of something *new* next time. You can make something old-timey if you want to, but do you have to copy the ’70’s? Again? My mom has an entire shelf of books by Janette Oke set in the Old West, and you couldn’t buy one of them?

Other networks have fairly new ideas: Lost, 24, even American Idol. Where’s yours?

I’ve joked that BJU considers denim to be the devil fabric, judging by their restrictive policies against jeans: Guys aren’t allowed to wear jeans unless they’re working outside (and maybe while playing sports, but I’m not sure); girls are allowed to wear denim skirts on the weekends. But that’s it: Apparently wearing jeans at any other time is an open invitation to let the demons in.

Apparently, some preacher in Tennesee seriously believes it.

“You’re not wearing pants in my church, you demon,” Storey claimed the preacher said. “I said, ‘I’m glad I serve a God who can work through my pants.’”

That’s when, according to Storey, Love allegedly grabbed her and hustled her to the door.

“He said, ‘I got all the demons out of my church, and I want you out,’” she said. “I said, ‘I don’t believe you’ve got all the demons out yet.’”

The BBC has a list of “100 things we didn’t know this time last year” that’s pretty interesting. Among my favorites:

1. Street brawlers sometimes arm themselves with potato peelers, according to the Home Office, which wants to make them banned weapons.

As I said, it is the British Broadcasting Corporation. Britain is the only country I know that could seriously consider banning potato peelers as weapons. Anyways, back to the light stuff:

5. 52% of households have five or more remote controls.

8. Brazilians are the nationality most likely to read spam.

19. The collective noun for rhinos is “crash”.

22. George W Bush got the highest number of votes for president of any candidate in US history, in November 2004.

23. John Kerry got the second highest number.

35. George Bush and John Kerry shared the same debating coach while at Yale University. His name was Rollin Osterweis.

38. Yoda was based on Albert Einstein.

51. The day after the atomic bomb exploded on Hiroshima, the banks re-opened. They had one customer, John Reader’s book Cities recorded.

72. Desert locusts can travel 120 miles in 24 hours.

100. Bill Clinton sent just two e-mails while he was president.